Sunday, August 29, 2010

Baron Davis is telling Monta Ellis a secret

Baron Davis: Psst! Hey, Monta! Guess what, brotha'?
Monta' Ellis: Whatchu want, man?
Baron: Guess!
Monta': What the hell you want, bruh?
Baron: I'm playing in L.A.!
Monta: Yeah, for the weak-ass Clippers.
Baron: The owners tell us that if we make the playoffs, he's trading all of us.
Monta: Yeah, mine too.
Baron: That just means we don't get to work as long as Kobe does.
Monta: Yeah, man. I ain't about to play more than what my contract is asking me to.
Baron: I know. I feel for KB, you know? He has to play for an extra month. That's some bullshit.
Monta: Yeah..
Baron: A'ight, man. I'll hitchu up later. Probably when my "injury time" is.
Monta: Injury time?
Baron: Yeah, the owner tells us we have to sit out for at least a few months with an injury. He wants to make sure we don't work too hard.
Monta: Lucky..

Carmelo Anthony is thinking about where he wants to go

Carmelo Anthony: Dude, I'm so good you know? I'm like the baddest-ass player ever. I can hold this pose forever, and teams will still want me you know? I'm soooo good. You know? You know what I mean? I make teams hot and steamy, you know? I can shoot good and stuff.And I like tattoos. Everywhere. You know? I think I want to go to Miami.  Take my talents to South Beach. Could happen. They can use some help. A lot of it. You know what I mean? For serious. That's it. It's settled. I'm going to Miami. I can turn that team to a good one. They need me. I'm sooo good. You know?

The Original Rank-ster: Your NBA’s Top 10 Eastern Conference Teams

News around the NBA is pretty dead now that all the drama of the 2010 NBA offseason has been sorted out (kind of). So, for your entertainment, I’ve formulated this list of the NBA’s top 10 Eastern Conference teams for the 2010-2011 NBA season, in order of all-around awesomeness. That’s pretty nice of me, isn’t it?

Let me answer that for you: Yes, it is.

Hit the jump to check out the list.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Carmelo Anthony and Dwight Howard are going to be in a movie



Basketball-stars-turned-actors are a rarity nowadays. That's pretty shocking considering the large number of floppers in the NBA today.

But that's exactly what Carmelo Anthony and Dwight Howard are doing. They won't be ditching basketball by any means, but they sure are going to try their hands at being in movies. Take it away, Associated Press:

Denver's Carmelo Anthony and Orlando's Dwight Howard will star in a basketball film with an award-winning Chinese director titled "Amazing."

The NBA and Shanghai Film Group announced the joint production effort on Tuesday, calling it "the first NBA-themed motion picture outside of North America."

That’s pretty interesting and unique. First of all, there aren’t many NBA-themed motion pictures anywhere, period. Not unless you count movies like Space Jam and Like Mike, which were really bad.

Second of all, Carmelo and Dwight are taking a pretty big step here, I’d say. Not only is Carmelo Anthony having himself a bit of drama, but Dwight Howard is going to face some stark criticism from his pretty awful playoff performance this past May.

Making a movie in the midst of a lot of problems is totally the way to get more focused on your career,which is not acting.

Either way, let’s hope they do a good job. I have no idea what kind of movie this will be, but if it’s anything like Shaquille O’neal’s acting debut in Kazaam, I’m going to be pretty pissed off.


Saturday, August 21, 2010

Thunders’ Nenad Krstic uses chair against ‘half-naked Greek’

 I’m not a big fan of brawls. I hate how such graceful basketball players turn into savage beasts, just because they didn’t get that ticky-tack foul they were looking for.

Actually, I’m lying. I love to see a good brawl. And who doesn’t, besides that stickler, David Stern?
So for those like me who love to see dudes go absolutely insane on each other, Nenad Krstic decided to entertain us a bit. Check out the video:

That’s insane. Not only did Krstic manage to run away after looking to get in on some action, but he also threw a chair once he found out he was safe. Very clever, Nenad. Please, do it again. That’s totally the manliest thing you can do.

And while Krstic proved himself to be kind of a complete ass, his coach didn’t seem to think so. From the Associated Press:
[Serbian coach Dustin Ivkovic] said Krstic did not want to hurt Bouroussis with the chair.
"I believe he acted in self-defense and grabbed a chair after some half-naked (Greek) fans rushed into the court," Ivkovic said. "The chair fell from his hand and grazed Bouroussis."
OK, now I understand Krstic. Half-naked Greek fans began to rush him, so Nenad had to run away and throw a chair to fend them off. I don’t know about you, but I’m sticking with the fact that the coach’s tidbit is really bizarre-sounding.

Still, I’d be pretty scared if half-naked dudes came running at me. However, I wouldn’t be attempting to punch them in the first place. But that’s just me.

Well, at least Krstic isn’t taking full responsibility for his actions:
"I don't know the rules, but I hope I won't be punished," he said. "An (act of) stupidity was committed, and I hope they will not punish us. The Greeks started the brawl, there were no guards and the (Greek) fans entered the court ... If they punish me, they must do it to others as well."
Oh, the classic, “He started it, not me!” plea. Save it Krstic. Those half-naked Greeks were just being friendly, and you had to go and throw a chair at them. You make me sick.
Oh well. Last time I ever ponder taking off most of my clothes while rushing at another man.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Delonte West loves guns

10 May 2008: DeLonte West # 13 of the Cavaliers  in a second round NBA Basketball playoff game won 108-84, by the Cleveland Cavaliers over the Boston Celtics. Game 3 of the Eastern Conference Semifinals at the Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, OH. 

It seems like basketball players nowadays, just have to be packing (guns, that is). You never know what might happen when you’re a free agent who probably won’t get picked up in the off-season. Gloria James might sneak up on you.

And when you’re a guy on the run like Delonte West, you have to have protection. I don’t care if you’re over 6 feet tall, and are in really, really good shape (ladies, close your eyes). Things happen.

Apparently, the fuzz didn’t care too much about West’s safety. NBA reports that Delonte West got in some trouble with the law for carrying that extra protection. From

Delonte West, who played last season for the Cleveland Cavaliers, has been suspended without pay for ten games for pleading guilty to carrying a concealed weapon and wearing, carrying, and transporting a handgun, in violation of the law of the State of Maryland, the NBA announced today.

Oh, I see now. It was Maryland. Well, Delonte, big slap on the wrist. You should know better than to bring a hand gun to Maryland. That’s like bringing lubricant over to LeBron’s mom’s house; it’s not needed. (Okay, I’ll stop.)

Seriously, though. Delonte West isn’t much of a big deal. He’s just another tagged down ball-player, looking to shoot for more attention. (Lame pun, I know.)

Oh well. Let’s hope LeBron’s mom puts Delonte West in the corner before giving him his daily dose of Gloria. Maybe then will he learn his lesson.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Udonis Haslem smokes pot

Udonis Haslem is picking up the Miami Heat's "mean villain" persona. Or maybe he just wants to have fun.

Either way, Udonis Haslem was caught smoking marijuana, and for a bunch of other things. Here's the report from the Miami-Dade:

Miami Heat forward Udonis Haslem was charged Sunday with marijuana possession, speeding -- and, for good measure, having illegal window tinting, the Florida Highway Patrol said.
The incident began as a traffic stop shortly after 3 p.m. on the Gratigny Parkway between Northwest 42nd and 57th avenues in Miami-Dade, said FHP spokesman Sgt. Mark Wysocky.
Those darn tinted windows will get you, trust me. The fact that Udonis Haslem can smoke pot, speed, and keep his windows tinted should be praised. That's a lot of multi-tasking.

And while it's not exactly the best image look for the Udo-Has, it fits in with what Dwyane Wade, LeBron James, and Chris Bosh are trying to do in Miami.

Intentional or not, we'll be seeing Udonis Haslem's "talents" be taken to jail, most likely, for a little while.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Charles Barkley says LeBron makes ‘punk moves’

We all have that lovable, loud-mouthed uncle, that isn't afraid to speak their mind. For the NBA, Charles Barkley is that uncle.

And while there are quite a few times where Sir Charles should kind of just stay quiet, his recent comments could not have been more warranted. Take a look at what Charles Barkley told ESPN's Mike Greenberg on his radio show: 

“I want him to make sure that he puts my name on that (list). I thought that his little one-hour special was a punk move.”

That’s pretty straight-forward, Charles. And of course, the Bark-ster is referring to the list that LeBron tweeted about a few days ago:

“Don’t think for one min that I haven’t been taking mental notes of everyone taking shots at me this summer. And I mean everyone!”

Powerful stuff, LeBron. Make sure you take mental notes of how not to play in the conference semi-finals, too. A lot of lessons can be learned from that fiasco.

Seriously, though. I don’t get why LeBron is so upset about all these people “taking shots at him.” I mean, that’s exactly why he left Cleveland; he wanted the least amount of responsibility possible. Now he has to take responsibility for his actions? Why, oh why, can’t people leave LeBron alone?

Oh well. At least LeBron has his Twitter account he can vent to. However, I would suggest talking to Ron Artest’s psychiatrist. Apparently, she can do wonders.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

The NBA Hall of Fame: What Jordan and Pippen were really saying

The Hall of Fame was pretty fun to watch last night. We saw a ridiculously emotional Karl Malone, who delivered one of the most heart-felt speeches for an NBA Hall of Fame inductee player. We also saw Scottie Pippen basically read his script out loud. Who gave him that script, anyway?

Well, I think I have a good idea as to who wrote the speech for him. Let's take a look at this picture:

Well, this is pretty tell-all, don't you think? Here's what the dialogue would have been if they were to speak their minds:

Friday, August 13, 2010

Video: Scottie Pippen is in the Hall of Fame

On the night that saw Karl Malone gave a powerful speech during his NBA Hall of Fame induction, one-half of his arch-nemesis was inducted, too.

That's right. Scottie Pippen is a Hall of Famer, just one year after his partner, Michael Jordan, was inducted. It's only fitting that Scottie comes second, I guess.

And while Karl Malone's speech was heart-felt and sincere, Scottie's was a bit more scripted. Take a look:


Well, there's a few things wrong with this speech. For one, we find out that Scottie Pippen can't read too well. (MJ, you have touch so many people lives, but none lot laak minez.)

We also find out that Scottie Pippen is still going through financial hardship. Thanks to deductive reasoning, we realize that his "thank you" to Nike was an advertisement plug-in. To do that during his Hall of Fame speech shows us that Scottie could use an extra buck or two. Or a million.

Either way, Scottie deserves to have his Hall of Fame moment (even if Nike did pay him a little cash). He's considered one of the best defenders in the history of the NBA, and he refused to ruin Karl Malone's night by saying "Hey, Karl. Look at my ring. Are you looking? KARL?! LOOK AT MY RING!"

Video: Karl Malone is now in the Hall of Fame

 We pretty much knew Karl Malone was going into the Hall of Fame the minute he was eligible. Heck, he, himself, knew he was going to get into the NBA Hall of Fame when he was eligible.

But that didn't stop that rough-nosed, thick-skinned, soft-hearted "Mailman" from delivering a well-executed speech. Check it out:

That's powerful stuff. This kind of makes Michael Jordan's speech look arrogant and rude. (Oh, wait.)

And while we knew Karl Malone was a big softy, we never thought he'd almost bring viewers to tears. That includes me, people.

It makes you feel bad for him, but also kind of good at the same time. Bad that he never won a title, despite being ridiculously close. And good because he got into the most prestigious club in basketball, while getting to thank his mom in front of millions.

I don't know about Karl, but that's good enough for me. Boy, if only Scottie Pippen, the guy who helped prevent Malone from getting a title, wasn't getting inducted the same day.

5 things that should happen in the NBA in the 2010-2011 season

Last year was a pretty awesome year for the NBA and its fans. We got to see another 50-win cutoff for the Western Conference playoffs, four elite teams in the Eastern Conference duke it out, and 7 NBA Finals' games. That's pretty awesome.

However, who said that the NBA has done its job?

Not me. And I'm the one they should listen to the most. That is, if they want success.

Either way, there's plenty of improvements that the NBA can make for its upcoming season filled with bad guys and last-stand champions.

Without further ado, here are the 5 things the NBA can do to improve on a great season.

1. Allow for more instant replay: The league managed to do something right in terms of calling games, and that's giving opportunities for instant replay to come into play. That's cool, but who says we have to stop at using instant replay for just out-of-bounds calls? If the league wants to avoid more turmoil in larger games, they should begin reviewing shot-clock violations and air-balls. Quite a few times did fans get upset when their team was called for shot-clock violations, and the ball clearly hit the rim while the clock hit zero.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh want to be villains just like LeBron

It's pretty cool being a bad guy. First, you get to wear the color black in any setting, which is like, the coolest color ever. Second, you don't need to follow morals, and you don't have to listen to what anyone says. Sounds like the greatest job on the planet.

It seems like the Miami Trice seem to think so, too. Not only did Dwyane Wade say that opponents should "thank [them]" for selling out home crowds when the Heat come to town, but now Chris Bosh is joining the fad, too, reported the New York Daily News:

Chris Bosh said Wednesday that he was "playing with people's emotions" in the days and weeks before he made his decision to join the Miami Heat.
"If you think about how many times somebody asks you, 'How are you,' that's how many times I was asked, 'Where you going?" said Bosh. "So it's like, well, in my case, I'm going to have fun with it. I'm going to play with people's emotions. I'm going to be high and low."
Are you trying to tell me that Chris Bosh is, once again, following a crowd? What a big surprise. And I mean that in the most sincerest form of sarcasm possible. 

Monday, August 9, 2010

Joakim Noah doesn't want to be a distraction

It's pretty rare when you get a guy like Kevin Durant. He's quiet, humble, and is willing to commit to a team, and his team, specifically.

But now it looks like there's a trend. The Record-Courier is reporting that Joakim Noah is looking for a long-term contract extension.
The Chicago Bulls clearly consider the forward as one of their core players for the future after refusing to include him in any deal this off-season when teams came asking about him.
Now Noah sees himself remaining a Bull for a long time, wanting to sign a long-term deal with the team according to a report by ESPN. Noah reportedly hopes to have a deal done as soon as before the season starts in October.
That's pretty awesome. Joakim Noah doesn't want to be the guy that the Chicago Bulls' have to worry about the next summer. Unlike a certain someone, who decided to be a distraction in the biggest way possible. 

Anyway, let's hope that next summer isn't as dramatic as this one was. Joakim Noah wants to make sure of that.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Can someone please hire Allen Iverson?

You’d think an 11-time All-Star, 3-time NBA scoring champion, and former league MVP would have teams lined up to sign him when he became a free agent.

Turns out, there’s no team interested in Allen “The Answer” Iverson.

Well, that kind of sucks. I agree that A.I. has a style of play that’s tough to work around. And sure, he’s got a bit of a fiery attitude. But he’s Allen Iverson, for goodness’ sakes.

Now, I don’t think the dude deserves a huge contract. I don’t even think he deserves a contract longer than a year, or more expensive than the veteran’s minimum. Just give this guy a chance to end his career correctly.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

The New NBA Blog, "Lights-Out Shooter" Intro

It's pretty hard to forget the importance of basketball fanatics. Without us, the world would suck.

We're pretty darn hardcore. So hardcore, that we're willing to create a blog, just to display our hardcore-ness.

And because we're so hardcore, we promise to keep you updated on our opinions of what's going on in today's NBA world. Not that you care right now. However, my guess is that you will eventually.

First off, a little background: This blog was inspired by a previous blog of mine, that I kind of wish I had started over.

I built a decent blog for a guy who had no idea what he was doing, way back when (wasn't this only like, two years ago?).

But now, it's time to build a monster. Whether you like it or not. And hopefully you'll learn to love "The Shooter" or you'll learn to hate it with all your guts. Either way, we have your attention.

Thanks for listening, people. You'll hear a lot more where that came from